were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
