Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
