i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
