no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize