hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
