hell yes lets make some ravioli
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
