I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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