how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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