did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
