Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
