i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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