WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize