I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
