I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
