I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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