I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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