I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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