i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
