Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
