I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
