Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
