Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
