I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
