you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Pooping to opera.
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