Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
