Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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