is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
