She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
