She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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