I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
