I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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