I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
