He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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