Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
