So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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