Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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