So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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