my mouth tastes like poor choices
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
