FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
