you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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