i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
