He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
