She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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