i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ๐๐
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the menโs room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out Iโm married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
