You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
