Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
