final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
