what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
