I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize