I think im going to throw up on grandma
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
