You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
