I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
