I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
