Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
