Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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