he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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