My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why is your signature on my underwear?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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