I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
