i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
