two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
