Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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