I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize