I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
