Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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