Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
