i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
