I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You work out of a Hotel?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
