my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
