Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
