call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
