Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
