That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
