I wish I could teleport
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
