never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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