Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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