i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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