woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
