Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
