Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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