if you like me you must not know who I am
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
