My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
whose parrot is this?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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