grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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